I wish to become one of the following: a stand-up comic, a pirate, the love of someone's life, a wizard, an international spy or ninja, Lara Croft (minus the humongozoid boobs), or the frontperson of a band. Currently, I'm working to pay off a huge amount of debt due to a little thing I call "Satan's Shenanagins," but conventional theory would simply label it as "Grad School." My expertise lies in thinking way too much, laughing, being celibate, acting like a nutter, and saying things that tend to elicit one of two responses: "You're so funny!" or "Whattha?!! Huh?!" Basically, I'm awesome at anything that ultimately results in my feeling alienated from the human race (C.F., an inferiority complex). As with the grand tradition of obnoxious personal blogs, I too am offering you a taste of my bad poetry, prose, and other random snippets. Hooray!